\ec·lec·tic\ adj. selecting from various systems, doctrines, or styles. n. a person who uses various methods in philosophy, science, or art.

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Guilt tips
By Mark Kendall
The Press-Enterprise

Loma Linda psychologist Will Joel Friedman offers these steps for a complete confession and the resolution of your guilt. It's best to go through them slowly, and mean it, Friedman says.

Mea culpa minefield

Old and new ways to admit your wrongs

Eclectic Mouse Home Page

· State your personal responsibility in the matter directly to the person harmed: "I did it."

· Then, say you feel badly about what you did and the harm you caused: "I feel badly about what I did."

· Commit, giving your word of honor, to not repeat the act. Also, commit to perform good, responsible actions from this point on.

· Apologize and ask forgiveness for what you did. Be specific.

· Ask what you need to do to repair the harm and make it right again: "What can I do now to make this right with you so it is fully behind us?"

· Perform agreed-on, appropriate repairs and ask again if this mends the harm. "Is what happened complete and over for you now? If not, what more can can I do to repair this harm?"

· Go the extra three miles and perform the added repairs asked for. Ask again if this makes whole the harm. If not, you did your best and declare it over and complete for yourself, even if the other person chooses to carry the grudge.

· Graciously acknowledge the injured party's accepting your apology and giving you their forgiveness. Forgive yourself and vow to do good, so help you God, from this moment forward.

Mark Kendall / The Press-Enterprise

Published 8/9/1998