AMERICAN BEAUTY
by
Alan Ball
FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY
FADE IN:
INT. JAIL CELL - DAY
EXTREME CLOSE-UP on a DROP OF WATER, gathering at the tip OF
a faucet, a FLASH OF LIGHT refracting through it just before
it FALLS.......
PULLING BACK slowly, we see ANOTHER DROP OF WATER gather and
FALL... and then ANOTHER... into a METAL SINK BASIN filled
with water, rippling in concentric circles with each DROP,
which we HEAR in a steady rhythm: DRIP... DRIP... DRIP...
RICKY (O.C.)
(singing in time to the
water dripping)
I'M FIXING A HOLE... WHERE THE
RAIN GETS IN....
REVERSE ANGLE on the face OF a YOUNG MAN with his hair cut
short, military-style, watching the dripping water as if
hypnotized. We ZOOM slowly toward him...
This is RICKY FITTS. He's twenty, but his eyes are much
older. Underneath his Zen-like tranquility lurks something
wounded... and dangerous. He SINGS softly to himself:
RICKY (cont'd)
AND STOPS MY MIND FROM
WANDERING...
Through the bars OF his CELL we see RICKY is seated on the
edge of a solitary cot in a JAIL CELL, staring intently at the
metal sink on the wall across from him..
RICKY (cont'd)
WHERE IT WILL GO...
ON TELEVISION: INT. COURTROOM - DAY
A sullen TEENAGE GIRL sits at a table in a COURTROOM,
surrounded by lawyers. SUPERIMPOSED across the bottom of
screen: TEENAGE GIRL ACCUSED OF HIRING FATHER'S KILLER. At
the lower right corner is the JUSTICE TV logo. In the upper
right corner: LIVE.
This girl is JANE BURNHAM. Seventeen-years-old, with dark,
intense eyes. She stares blankly at the table in front of her.
D.A. (O.C.)
Would you please tell the court
how long you and the defendant have
been friends?
ANGELA (O.C.)
Uh, we've known each other since
like, fifth grade? But we didn't
really become friends until this
past year?
Jane looks up, her eyes hostile, at:
Seated on the witness stand is seventeen-year-old ANGELA
HAYES. Strikingly beautiful, with perfect, even features,
blonde hair, and a nubile young body, she's the archetypal
American dream girl. She is being questioned by a DISTRICT
ATTORNEY.
D.A.
During that time, did Jane ever
say she disliked her father?
INT. COURTROOM - CONTINUOUS
We're now in the courtroom, where the JUSTICE TV CAMERAS
focus on Angela as the D.A. questions her.
ANGELA
Yes.
D.A.
Exactly how did she say it?
ANGELA (cont'd)
Uh, she said she hated his guts,
and wished he was dead.
D.A.
Did she tell you why?
Angela hesitates, hot eager to answer this. Finally:
ANGELA (cont'd)
She said he was just too
embarrassing to live, okay?
ANGELA looks at JANE, who stares at her with absolute hatred.
ANGELA (cont'd)
She said both of her parents were
totally embarrassing, but her dad
was like, way beyond? And somebody
had to take him out. But she said
her mom was just pathetic and
probably didn't deserve to like,
die.
Elsewhere IN the COURTROOM, a very well-put-together WOMAN OF
forty stifles a SOB. This is Jane's mother, CAROLYN BURNHAM.
BACK on the witness stand, ANGELA looks contrite.
ANGELA (cont'd)
I'm sorry, Mrs. Burnham, but she
did.
At her table, JANE buries her face IN her hands.
ANGELA (cont'd)
You did. You said it.
INT. POLICE STATION - LOBBY - DAY
A suburban POLICE station. PHONES RINGING, officers with
clipboards, lowlifes being booked. The usual.
The front door opens and COLONEL FRANK FITTS enters, carrying
a MANILA ENVELOPE. He's fifty, quite handsome, his graying
hair cut short, military-style. He still moves like the
athlete he once was, but his eyes tell us he's not happy, and
hasn't been for some time. As he approaches the front desk,
the uniformed clerk behind it looks up at him impassively.
COLONEL
I need to speak to Detective
Fleishman.
INT. POLICE STATION - DETECTIVE'S OFFICE - MOMENTS LATER
DETECTIVE FLEISHMAN, paunchy and constantly exhausted, opens
the door to his office and motions Colonel Fitts inside.
FLEISHMAN
Colonel Pitts. How goes it?
(off his look)
Forgive me. That was a stupid
question, after everything you've
been through.
He shows the COLONEL to a chair, then sits behind his desk.
FLEISHMAN (cont'd)
So what can I do for you?
The COLONEL sighs, looking at the MANILA ENVELOPE He holds.
COLONEL
I found something. I think you
should take a look at it.
FLEISHMAN
Okay.
But the COLONEL just sits there, holding the envelope.
COLONEL
I don't want to do this.
(fighting back tears)
But I was taught a little thing
called duty. Something I wasn't
able to teach my own son...
He breaks down. FLEISHMAN crosses to him and places his hand
on his shoulder. The Colonel shrugs it off, violently.
COLONEL (cont'd)
No.
Respectfully, FLEISHMAN steps back. the COLONEL pulls himself
together and hands over the envelope, without looking up.
Fleishman studies the envelope as he walks back to his desk,
then opens it and takes out an unmarked HI-8 VIDEOCASSETTE. He
looks at the Colonel quizzically.
INT. JAIL CELL - DAY
RICKY sits motionless, still focused on the DRIPPING water.
RICKY
(singing softly)
I'M FILLING THE CRACKS THAT RAN
THROUGH THE DOOR...
ON TELEVISION:
A rapid-fire MONTAGE OF VIDEO IMAGERY taken from recent news
footage, intercut with CELEBRITIES and scantily-clad
MODELS of both sexes, accompanied by HEADBANGER MUSIC. THE
REAL DIRT logo spins quickly into place, with exaggerated
SOUND EFFECTS.
ON TELEVISION: INT. TABLOID news SHOW SET
A telegenic ANCHORPERSON addresses us. SUPERIMPOSED at lower
left is THE REAL DIRT logo. Behind the Anchorperson is an
INSET GRAPHIC of Jane and Ricky.
ANCHORPERSON
(Australian accent)
Lester Burnham. Brutally murdered
in cold blood, allegedly the victim
of a teenage psychopath hired by
his own daughter, Jane. The case
that has outraged America, has now
become even more shocking. Tonight
on The Real Dirt, we'll show you -
for the first time anywhere - an
astonishing videotape in which Jane
and alleged killer Richard Fitts
actually make their unholy pact.
ON VIDEO: INT. FITTS HOUSE - RICKY'S BEDROOM - DAY
JANE is leaning BACK IN bed, naked, smoking a joint. still
SUPERIMPOSED at lower left is THE REAL DIRT logo, and Jane's
breasts have been digitally BLURRED.
JANE
I need a father who's a role
model, not some horny geek-boy
who's gonna spray his shorts
whenever I bring a girlfriend home
from school.
(snorts)
Like he'd ever have a chance with
her. What a lame-o. Somebody really
should put him out of his misery.
A beat. JANE plays with her hair, lost IN thought.
RICKY (O.C.)
Want me to kill him for you?
JANE stares at the camera incredulously, then LAUGHS.
JANE
Yeah, would you?
INT. COURT - DAY
We're TRACKING slowly across the mesmerized faces of the jury
as they watch the videotape.
RICKY (O.C.)
It'll cost you.
JANE (O.C.)
I've been baby-sitting since I was
ten, I've got almost three thousand
dollars.
We see the tape as it plays on the VIDEO MONITOR SET UP IN
the front of the courtroom. This time there is no THE REAL
DIRT logo nor any digital blurring of Jane's nudity.
ON THE MONITOR: JANE sits UP IN bed, smiling.
JANE (cont'd)
I was saving it for a boob job.
ON THE MONITOR: JANE stands and shakes her breasts.
In the courtroom, Jane's mother Carolyn watches, stunned,
gripping the arm of a well-dressed, silver-haired MAN at her
side.
JANE (O.C.) (cont'd)
But my tits can wait.
Jane watches from her seat, her face a mixture of anger,
disbelief and helplessness. We ZOOM toward her slowly.
RICKY (O.C.)
You know, that's not a very nice
thing to do, hiring somebody to
kill your dad.
Tears spill from her blinking eyes, But she remains silent.
ON THE MONITOR: Jane is back on the bed.
JANE
Well, I guess I'm just not a very
nice girl, then, am I?
ON THE MONITOR: she leans BACK and smiles dreamily at us.
INT. JAIL CELL - DAY
CLOSE on Ricky as he leans back on his cot, staring up at us,
the same dreamy smile on his face.
RICKY
(singing softly)
I'M TAKING THE TIME FOR A NUMBER
OF
THINGS... THAT WEREN'T IMPORTANT
YESTERDAY...
FADE to BLACK.
In darkness, we HEAR Vic Damone singing "I'M NOBODY'S BABY,"
as the words "ONE YEAR EARLIER" FADE IN AND OUT.
FADE IN:
EXT. SUBURB - EARLY MORNING
We're FLYING high above an upper middle class SUBURB. The
wide streets are lined with stately elms and sycamores; the
homes are traditional and well-kept. Coming closer to the
ground, we pick out a couple of male JOGGER.
A DIFFERENT ANGLE on the Joggers. We're at level now, MOVING
alongside them. They're both in their thirties, athletic,
blandly handsome. They pass a STREET SIGN that reads Robin
Hood Trail.
Suddenly, a MAN comes into view, FLYING Superman-style about
three feet above their heads. He's wearing old-fashioned
PAJAMAS, and a plaid flannel ROBE. As he passes overhead, the
Joggers look up and wave excitedly, like children. He flashes
them a grin and waves back, then he speeds up, leaving them
behind.
As the MAN flies down the street, a BARKING DOG runs along
beneath him, jumping into the air, trying to catch him. The
Man swoops and dips effortlessly, teasing the dog, then spots,
at the end of the street, a young boy on a bicycle tossing
newspapers onto people's porches, or as close as he can get.
Seeing the flying Man, the boy tosses a paper high into the
air. The dog tears off to catch the paper. The flying Man
LAUGHS and shoots upward like he's been blown out of a cannon,
grabs the paper, and swoops down, dropping it lightly on the
front porch of a well-appointed, two-story HOUSE with
distinctive CEDAR SHINGLE SIDING and a RED FRONT DOOR.
The boy on the bike watches IN admiration. the MAN slowly
floats by above him and tousles his hair. The dog BARKS. The
boy throws another newspaper into the air, this time even
higher than before, and the Man grins as he prepares to shoot
up after it: this is going to be fun... and we SMASH CUT TO:
INT. BURNHAM HOUSE - MASTER BEDROOM - DAY
We HEAR the harsh BUZZ OF an ALARM CLOCK. Vic Damone still
sings "I'M NOBODY'S BABY" elsewhere in the house. Outside, a
dog is still BARKING
The MAN we just saw FLYING Through the streets lies sleeping
amidst expensive bed linens, wearing the same PAJAMAS. His
hand reaches over and shuts the ALARM CLOCK OFF; his eyes
remain clamped shut as he tries to hang onto his dream.... but
it's gone. He sighs and opens his eyes.
This man is LESTER BURNHAM, Carolyn's husband and Jane's
father. He's forty-two, with a wide boyish face that's just
beginning to droop around the edges. He sits up in bed and
rubs his face.
We're in a large, comfortable bedroom that's tastefully
decorated but not overdone - it could be a spread from
Metropolitan Home. Lester gets out of the king-sized bed,
crosses to a bay window covered with stylish wooden blinds,
lifts one of the slats with his finger and peers through it.
His POV: A DOG - the same dog from Lester's flying dream -
BARKS excitedly at us from behind a white picket fence
surrounding the front yard of the house across the street.
EXT. BURNHAM HOUSE - CONTINUOUS
The dog's POV: Lester looks down at us through the bay window
of the HOUSE from his dream - we recognize the distinctive
CEDAR SHINGLE SIDING. The dog continues to BARK.
LESTER (V.O.)
My name is Lester Burnham. I'm
forty two-years old. In less than a
year, I'll be dead.
INT. BURNHAM HOUSE - MASTER BATH - MOMENTS LATER
We're in the shower with Lester. A waterproof RADIO plays
COUNTRY MUSIC. He stands with his face directly in the hot
spray1 eyes shut.
LESTER (V.O.)
In a way, I'm dead already.
ANGLE from outside the shower: we see Lester's naked body
silhouetted through the steamed-up glass door. It becomes
apparent he is masturbating.
LESTER (V.O.) (cont'd)
(amused)
Look at me jerking off while I
listen to country music. I hated
this shit when I was growing up.
(then)
Funny thing is, this is the high
point of my day. It's all downhill
from here.
EXT. BURNHAM HOUSE front YARD - MOMENTS LATER
CLOSE on a single, dewy AMERICAN BEAUTY ROSE, perfect IN
shape and color. As we PULL BACK, a pair of gloved hands with
CLIPPERS appear and SNIP the flower off.
We continue PULLING BACK to discover Carolyn BURNHAM IN her
rose garden in front of the house, cutting flowers and placing
them in a basket, a determined, humorless look on her face.
Even now, she is perfectly put-together; she wears color-
coordinated gardening togs and has lots of useful and
expensive tools.
LESTER (V.O.)
That's my wife Carolyn. See the
way the handle on those pruning
shears matches her gardening clogs?
That's not an accident
In the fenced front YARD OF the HOUSE across the street, the
familiar dog is still BARKING. A well-groomed, athletic MAN in
a conservative suit rolls a blue plastic city GARBAGE
CONTAINER up the driveway to the curb.
JIM #1
Bitsy. Hush.
LESTER (V.O.)
That's our next-door neighbor Jim.
A second well-groomed, athletic MAN IN a conservative suit
comes out the front door.
JIM #2
What in the world is wrong with
her? She had a walk this morning.
JIM #1
And a jerky treat.
JIM #2
(frowns)
You spoil her.
LESTER (V.O.)
(re: the second man)
And that's his lover Jim.
We recognize the two Jims as the joggers from Lester's dream.
JIM #2
(sternly)
Bitsy. No bark. Come inside. Now.
Bitsy, suddenly subdued, allows Jim #2 to usher her inside.
LESTER (V.O.)
It's weird they have the same
name, but that's really no fault of
their own.
As Jim #2 gets into a Ford Taurus, Jim #1 crosses the street
to greet Carolyn.
JIM #1
Morning, Carolyn.
CAROLYN
(overly friendly)
Good morning, Jim! I just love
your tie! That color!
JIM #1
And I just love your roses. How
do you get them to flourish like
that?
CAROLYN
Well, I'll tell you. Egg shells
and Miracle Grow.
ANGLE on the second floor bay window of the Burnham's house,
where Lester stands in a bathrobe, drying his hair as he looks
down at them.
LESTER (V.O.)
Man. I get exhausted just watching
her.
His POV: We can't hear what they're saying, but Carolyn's
facial expressions remain overly animated and cheerful, like
those of a TV talk show host.
LESTER (V.O.) (cont'd)
She wasn't always like this. She
used to be happy. We used to be
happy...
Jim #2 pulls the Ford Taurus into the street; Jim #1 waves to
Carolyn, jumps inside and they drive off. Carolyn immediately
reverts to her previous resolute expression as she continues
cutting flowers.
LESTER (V.O.) (cont'd)
But she doesn't have much use for
me anymore. About the only thing
that gets her excited now is money.
INT. BURNHAM HOUSE - JANE'S BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS
CLOSE on a young woman's hands counting DOLLAR BILLS. PULLING
BACK, we see JANE BURNHAM, seated at a desk in her bedroom,
wearing jeans and a tight cotton top with straps. As she
counts, she has the same resolute expression as her mother.
LESTER (V.O.)
And this is my daughter Jane.
Only child. She takes after her
mother in a lot of ways, although
she'd never admit it.
Having finished counting, JANE paper-clips the money together
then types something into a computer.
CLOSE on the COMPUTER MONITOR: Personal banking software.
We see the word DEPOSIT and the amount $38.00 as they're
entered, then a new total in the balance column: $2,853.06.
JANE smiles, pleased. she stuffs the money into a KNAPSACK
hanging on her closet door, then looks at herself in a full-
length MIRROR. A beat, she turns sideways and arches her back
so her breasts protrude as much as possible She frowns, then
turns so she's facing the mirror, and hugs her herself
tightly, to enhance the appearance of cleavage.
LESTER (V.O.) (cont'd)
Janie is a pretty typical
teenager. Angry, insecure,
confused. I wish I could tell her
all that's going to pass.
(then)
But I don't want to lie to her.
We HEAR a CAR HORN from outside. JANE grabs her KNAPSACK and
a too-large flannel shirt from her closet and starts out.
EXT. BURNHAM HOUSE - CONTINUOS
A bright blue GARBAGE TRUCK fills the screen, as its
MECHANICAL ARM lifts a matching blue city GARBAGE CONTAINER
from the curb, emptying its contents into the truck. On the
side of the truck:
CITY OF ROCKWELL
DEPARTMENT OF SANITATION
Let's Recycle!
In the Burnham's driveway: Carolyn1 now dressed for work in a
completely different but equally well-coordinated outfit,
stands next to a platinum-colored MERCEDES-BENZ ML320,
reaching in through the drivers' window to blow the HORN
again.
Her POV: LESTER comes out the front door, dressed IN a
business suit and carrying a briefcase, fumbling with his tie.
Jane is close behind him, buttoning her flannel shirt, her
knapsack slung over her shoulder.
Carolyn frowns at both OF them.
CAROLYN
Jane. Honey. Are you trying to
look unattractive?
JANE
Yes.
CAROLYN
Well, congratulations. You've
succeeded admirably.
Lester's briefcase suddenly springs open, his papers and
files spilling onto the driveway. As he drops to his knees to
gather everything, Jane sidesteps around him.
JANE
Nice going, Dad.
LESTER looks UP her sheepishly, then at Carolyn.
His POV: she looks down at us, slightly contemptuous But also
bored, as if she gave up expecting anything more long ago.
LESTER
I keep meaning to get this thing
fixed...
He smiles, trying to lighten the moment, but Carolyn's
expression doesn't change. She opens the door and gets into
the drivers seat. Jane takes the passenger seat, and Lester
climbs into the back. The Mercedes-Benz ML320 starts to slowly
back out of the driveway.
LESTER (V.O.) (cont'd)
So that's my family... and this is
my life.
(laughs)
You'd think I wouldn't miss it so
much...
INT. MERCEDES-BENZ ML320 - a SHORT TIME LATER
Carolyn is driving; Jane stares out the window. Lester is
asleep in the back seat. Clint Black sings "DESPERADO" on the
STEREO.
JANE
Why are we listening to this
whiny-ass music?
CAROLYN
It's just what was on.
JANE fiddles the tuner, searching FOR ANOTHER station.
Something suddenly catches Carolyn's eye:
Her POV: An ADVERTISEMENT on a BUS STOP BENCH shows a slick-
looking, silver- ~ MAN smiling a toothy smile. It reads:
Leonard Kane - The Real Estate King - Rockwell's Highest Sales
Record Three Years Straight. We recognize him as the man
seated next to Carolyn in court during Jane's trial.
Carolyn glare at the ADVERTISEMENT as she drives past. it
obviously bothers her.
JANE
I don't see how you people can
listen to that hillbilly crap. It
makes me want to buy a gun and
shoot up a Burger King.
CAROLYN
Well, your father was the last one
to drive this car. You know I
don't like country music myself.
It's so... common and twangy. I
much prefer the old ~b)V
standards. Sinatra, Bobby Darin
Doris Day...
JANE Finally finds a STATION she likes: MOODY ALTERNATIVE
ROCK. They drive along without speaking for a moment, then:
JANE
Wake up, Dad, we're here.
No response from Lester.
JANE (cont'd)
Dad, look. It's Garth Brooks, and
he's wearing that groovy cowboy
hat. Maybe you can get his
autograph.
CAROLYN
(chuckling)
Jane. Hush.
INT. COMMUTER TRAIN - a SHORT TIME LATER
LESTER sits IN the crowded TRAIN, his head UP against the
window. He's fast asleep.
LESTER (V.O.)
Both my wife and my daughter think
I'm this gigantic loser.
He has a paper CUP OF COFFEE IN one hand, haphazardly holding
it against his knee. Slowly, it tips over, spilling onto his
pants leg. He remains asleep.
LESTER (V.O.) (cont'd)
And they're right. I've lost
something very important. I'm not
exactly sure what it is, but I know
I didn't always fell this...
sedated.
Finally, LESTER opens one eye.
POV: from the front of the PATH train: We're ZOOMING along
aboveground, unnaturally FAST heading toward a TUNNEL.
LESTER (V.O.) (cont'd)
But you know what? It's never too
late to get it back.
And we accelerate into the tunnel, and BLACKNESS.
INT. OFFICE BUILDING - DAY
CLOSE on a COMPUTER MONITOR, SCROLLING COPY. It's MOVING by
too quickly for us to read, but we can make out WORDS here and
there: marketing... profits... strategy... etc.
Lester sits at his workstation, in a BEIGE CUBICLE,
surrounded by several IDENTICAL BEIGE CUBICLES. He's staring
at the monitor and talking on a HEADSET PHONE. The light,
friendly tone of his voice is at odds with the beleaguered
expression on his face.
LESTER
Hello, this is Lester Burnham from
Media Monthly magazine calling for
Mr.
Keene... actually, I've already
left a message, about four messages
to be exact... I understand, but I
have questions about the new
product launch that your press
release didn't quite cover...
BRAD, an affable MAN IN his EARLY thirties, appears behind
Lester. Lester is immediately aware of his presence.
LESTER (cont'd)
I've already given you my
number...
(sighs)
555-5419. Yes. Lester Burnham.
Thank you.
He punches a button on his keyboard, then turns to Brad,
smiling perfunctorily.
BRAD
Les. Got a minute?
LESTER
For you, Brad? I've got five.
BRAD
Good. Why don't we talk in my
office?
He smiles and crosses off. LESTER watches him go, frowning.
INT. BRAD'S OFFICE - MOMENTS LATER
BRAD is seated behind his desk.
BRAD
...so I'm sure you can understand
the need to cut corners around
here.
Lester sits across from him, scowling like a teenager who's
been sent to the principal's office.
LESTER
Sure. Times are tight, and you
need to free up cash. Gotta spend
money to make money.
BRAD
Exactly.
BRAD stands, ready to usher LESTER out, But LESTER remains
seated.
LESTER
(blurts)
Like when our editorial director
used the company MasterCard to pay
for a hooker, and then she used the
card number to stay at the St.
Regis for, what was it, three
months?
BRAD
(startled)
That's unsubstantiated gossip.
LESTER
That's fifty thousand dollars.
That's somebody's salary. Somebody
who's probably gonna get fired
because Craig has to pay women to
fuck him!
BRAD
Jesus. Calm down. Nobody's getting
fired yet. That's why we're having
everyone write a job description,
mapping out in detail how they
contribute. That way, management
can assess who's valuable and who's
LESTER
Expendable.
BRAD
It's just business.
LESTER
(angry)
I've been writing for this
magazine for fourteen years, Brad.
You've been here how long, a month?
BRAD
(frank)
I'm, one of the good guys, Les. I
trying to level with you. This is
your one chance to save your job.
LESTER leans BACK IN his chair, incredulous.
INT. COMMUTER TRAIN - a SHORT TIME LATER
Once again, LESTER sits IN the crowded TRAIN, his head UP
against the window. But this time, he's not asleep; he glares
darkly out at the tunnel walls as they fly by.
EXT. BURNHAM HOUSE - THAT NIGHT
The MERCEDES-BENZ ML320 pulls into the driveway, driven By
Carolyn. A MOVING VAN is parked in front of the pale blue
COLONIAL HOUSE next door. A couple of Movers carry a couch
down the driveway toward the house.
As LESTER and Carolyn get out OF the ML320 and head toward
their front door:
CAROLYN
There is no decision. Just write
the damn thing!
LESTER
You don't think it's weird and
kinda fascist?
CAROLYN
possibly. But you don't want to be
unemployed.
LESTER
Oh, okay. Let's all sell our sols
to Satan, because it's more
convenient that way.
CAROLYN
(sighs)
Could you be just a little bit
more dramatic, please?
Carolyn scopes out the MOVING VAN next door.
CAROLYN (cont'd)
Well. We've finally got new
neighbors. It's about time. If
the Lomans had let me represent
them, instead of...
(heavy disdain)
The Real Estate King, that house
would have sold within a week,
instead of sitting on the market
for six months.
LESTER
They were still mad at you for
cutting down their sycamore.
CAROLYN
Their sycamore? It was on our
property!
INT. BURNHAM HOUSE - DINING ROOM - LATER THAT NIGHT
We HEAR John Coltrane and Johnny Hartman's rendition of "YOU
ARE TOO BEAUTIFUL" on the STEREO.
LESTER, Carolyn and JANE are seated at dinner IN the formal
dining room. They eat by CANDLELIGHT, and a profusion of RED
ROSES spills from a vase at the center of the table. We CIRCLE
them slowly, as they eat. Nobody makes eye contact, or even
seems aware of anybody else's presence, until...
JANE
Mom, do we always have to listen
to this elevator music?
CAROLYN
(considers)
No. No, we don't. As soon as
you've prepared a nutritious yet
flavorful meal that I'm about to
eat, you can listen to whatever you
like.
A long beat. LESTER Suddenly turns to Jane.
LESTER
So Janie, how was school?
JANE
(suspicious)
It was okay.
LESTER
Just okay?
JANE
No, Dad. It was spec-tac-ular.
a beat.
LESTER
Want to know how things went at my
job?
Now she looks at him as if he's lost his mind.
LESTER (cont'd)
They've hired this efficiency
expert. He's really friendly, and
I really hate his guts. See,
they're going to lay somebody off,
but in the interest of being
democratic, everybody gets to write
a "job description" for him, in the
hopes the assholes in management
will read it and say, "Whoa, we
can't
do without this guy..."
He trails off, obviously waiting FOR a response from Jane.
LESTER (cont'd)
(finally)
You couldn't possibly care any
less, could you?
Carolyn is watching This closely.
JANE
(uncomfortable)
Dad, what do you expect? You can't
all of a sudden be my best friend,
just because you've got a problem.
She gets UP and heads toward the kitchen.
JANE (cont'd)
I mean, hello. You've barely even
spoken to me for months.
She's gone. Lester notices Carolyn looking at him
critically.
LESTER
Oh, what, you're mother-of-the-
year? You treat her like a
employee.
CAROLYN
(shocked)
what?!
He gets UP and starts after Jane.
LESTER
You treat us both like employees.
Carolyn looks after him, slack-jawed.
INT. BURNHAM HOUSE - CONTINUOUS
A huge faux industrial KITCHEN, with floor-to-ceiling WHITE
CERAMIC TILE, brushed steel appliances and antique hardware
and lighting. This is one of those "back-to-a-simpler-time"
designer kitchens that cost a fortune. Jane stands at the
sink, rinsing off her plate. Lester enters.
LESTER
Honey, I'm sorry I...
JANE turns and stares at him, waiting FOR him to finish.
LESTER (cont'd)
I'm sorry I haven't been more
available, I just... I'm...
He's looking to her for a little help here, but she's too
uncomfortable with this sudden intimacy to give him any.
LESTER (cont'd)
You know, you don't always have
to wait for me to come to you...
JANE
0h, great. So now it's my fault.
EXT. BURNHAM HOUSE - CONTINUOUS
ON VIDEO: We're looking at Lester and Jane through GREENHOUSE
WINDOWS into the kitchen. We can't hear what they're saying,
but it's obvious it's not going well. Jane puts her plate in
the dishwasher and leaves. We follow her out the door, then
the camera JERKS back to Lester calling after her.
CLOSE on the LENS OF a high-tech portable VIDEO CAMERA. as we
PULL BACK, the camera drops down to reveal RICKY FITTS, whom
we recognize as the young man in jail at the beginning. His
short hair and starched clothes give him a hyper-conservative
appearance. We linger on his placid face for a moment,
then...
INT. BURNHAM - KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS
LESTER stands at the sink, rinsing off his plate, his face
dark. His head suddenly jerks up and he looks out the window,
as if he realizes he 's being watched.
His POV: We're looking at the pint where Ricky was just
standing, but he's no longer there.
LESTER frowns, then turns off the faucet, grabs a towel and
dries his hands. He tosses the towel on the snack bar on his
way out, where it lands next to a FRAMED PHOTOGRAPH.
We ZOOM slowly toward the PHOTOGRAPH: It's of Lester,
Carolyn, and a much-younger Jane, taken several years earlier
at an amusement park. It's starling how happy they look.
We HEAR CHEERING and APPLAUSE.
INT. high SCHOOL GYMNASIUM - NIGHT
We're at a high-school BASKETBALL GAME. Teenage boys, mostly
black, play a fast and furious game. One team, dressed in
light blue and white uniforms, scores a basket. The CROWD goes
wild.
Seated IN the bleachers, next to the high SCHOOL BAND, is a
group of about twenty teenage girls, dressed in short light
blue and white uniforms that manage to be both revealing and
chaste. Among them, Jane sits next to ANGELA HAYES, whom we
recognize from the witness stand at the beginning. Jane stands
and scans the bleachers.
ANGELA
Who are you looking for?
JANE
My parents are coming tonight.
They're trying to, you know, take
an active interest in me.
ANGELA
Gross. I hate it when my mom does
that.
JANE
They're such assholes. Why can't
they just have their own lives?
INT. MERCEDES - BENZ ML320 - CONTINUOUS
Carolyn drives. LESTER is slumped IN the passenger seat.
LESTER
What makes you so sure she wants
us to be there? Did she ask us to
come?
CAROLYN
Of course not. She doesn't want
us to know how important this is to
her. But she's been practicing her
steps for weeks.
LESTER
Well, I bet you money she's going
to resent this. And I'm missing
the James Bond marathon on TNT.
CAROLYN
Lester, this is important. I'm
sensing a real distance growing
between you and Jane.
LESTER
Growing? She hates me.
CAROLYN
She's just willful.
LESTER
She hates you too.
Carolyn stares at him, unsure OF how to respond.
INT. high SCHOOL GYMNASIUM - LATER
The uniformed girls we saw earlier are Now standing IN
formation on the gymnasium floor.
ANNOUNCER
(over P.A.)
And now, for your half-time
entertainment, Rockwell High's
award-winning Dancing Pantherettes!
IN the crowded stands, LESTER and Carolyn search FOR seats.
LESTER
We can leave right after this,
right?
The HIGH SCHOOL BAND plays "TOP OF THE WORLD." On the gym
floor, the girls perform synchronized dance steps, smiling
energetically. They're well-rehearsed, but too young to carry
off the ambitious Vegas routine they're attempting.
LESTER, watching from the stands, picks out his daughter.
His POV: JANE performs well, concentrating hard. Dancing next
to her is Angela; she moves awkwardly, grace obviously not
being her strong point. Suddenly she looks right us and
smiles, a lazy, insolent smile.
LESTER leans forward IN his seat.
His POV: We're focused on Angela now. Everything starts to
SLOW DOWN, almost imperceptibly... the MUSIC acquires an eerie
ECHO... and she keeps sneaking knowing looks at us...
We ZOOM slowly toward LESTER as He watches, transfixed.
His POV: The light on Angela is brighter than on the others,
somehow, and her awkwardness gives way to a fluid grace. "TOP
OF THE WORLD" FADES into dreamy, hypnotic TRIPHOP MUSIC. The
light on Angela grows even stronger, and the other girls
around her DISAPPEAR entirely...
LESTER is spellbound.
His POV: ANGELA looks directly at us Now, Dancing ONLY FOR
Lester. Her movements take on a blatantly erotic edge as the
MUSIC increases in intensity. She starts to seductively unzip
her uniform, teasing us with an expression that's both
innocent and knowing, then... she pulls her uniform OPEN and a
profusion of RED ROSES spills forth... and we SMASH CUT TO:
INT. HIGH SCHOOL ~ - CONTINUOUS
ANGELA, fully clothed, is Once again surrounded By the other
girls. The HIGH SCHOOL BAND plays its last note, the Dancing
Pantherettes strike their final showgirl pose, and the
audience bursts into APPLAUSE.
Carolyn claps along with the rest OF the audience. LESTER
just sits there, unable to take his eyes off Angela.
EXT. high SCHOOL GYMNASIUM - LATER
The game is over. LESTER and Carolyn stand near the main
door, as people trickle out of the gym.
CAROLYN
(after a beat)
Okay, I can't wait any longer.
I've got a killer day tomorrow -
LESTER
(emphatic)
We don't leave without seeing her.
Carolyn gives him an odd look.
LESTER (cont'd)
Hey, this was your idea.
(then calls out)
Janie!
JANE and ANGELA, IN street clothes, have just come out OF the
gym. Jane rolls her eyes and crosses reluctantly toward her
parents, followed by Angela.
LESTER (cont'd)
You were really great, honey.
Congratulations.
JANE
I didn't win anything
LESTER
(to Angela)
Hi, I'm Lester. Jane's dad.
ANGELA
Oh. Hi.
An awkward beat.
JANE
This is my friend Angela Hayes.
LESTER
Okay, good to meet you. You were
also good, tonight. Very...
precise.
ANGELA
(warming)
Thanks.
CAROLYN
(hugs Jane)
Honey, I'm proud of you. I watched
you very closely, and you didn't
screw up once.
(then, to Lester)
Okay, we have to go.
She starts toward the parking lot. LESTER stays behind.
LESTER
What are you girls doing now?
JANE
Dad.
ANGELA
We're going out for pizza.
LESTER
Well, can we give you a lift?
ANGELA
Thank s, but I have a car.
LESTER
That's great! Uh, Janie's hoping
to get a car soon, aren't you
honey?
JANE
(you freak)
Dad. Mom's waiting for you , and
she look like she's about to start
chewing her hair.
LESTER
Well, it's great to meet you,
Angela. Any, uh, friend of Janie's
is a friend of mine.
ANGELA smiles at him, fully aware OF the powers she has over
him. He is mesmerized; grateful, even.
LESTER (cont'd)
So... I guess I'll be seeing you
around.
I guess.
ANGELA
LESTER waves awkwardly as He crosses off.
JANE
Could he be any more pathetic?
ANGELA
I think it's sweet.
(then)
And I think he and your mother
have not had sex for a long time.
INT. BURNHAM HOUSE - MASTER BEDROOM - a FEW HOURS LATER
CLOSE on a solitary red ROSE PETAL as it falls slowly and
silently through the air1 like a feather.
We're in Lester and Carolyn's room, looking down on their bed
from OVERHEAD. Even in sleep, Carolyn still looks determined.
Lester, however, is wide awake and stares up at us.
LESTER (V.O.)
It's the weirdest thing.
The ROSE PETAL drifts into view, landing on his pillow.
LESTER (V.O.) (cont'd)
I feel like I've been in a coma
for about twenty years, and I'm
just now waking up.
More ROSE PETALS fall onto the bed.
LESTER (V.O.) (cont'd)
I feel younger... lighter...
He smiles UP at...
his POV: ANGELA, naked, FLOATS directly above us as if IN
water, kicking lazily as a deluge of ROSE PETALS falls around
her. Her hair fans out around her head and GLOWS with a
subtle, burnished light. She looks down at us with a smile
that is all things: compassion... invitation... lust...
LESTER smiles BACK and LAUGHS, as ROSE PETALS cover his face.
LESTER (V.O.) (cont'd)
Spec-tac-ular.
EXT. ROBIN HOOD TRAIL - CONTINUOUS
A WHITE BMW 328si CONVERTIBLE winds its way down the street
and pulls close to, but not into, the Burnham's driveway.
INT. ANGELA'S BMW - CONTINUOUS
ANGELA is driving, JANE is IN the passenger seat. both girls
are stoned and LAUGH hysterically. Gradually, their LAUGHTER
dies down. Iggy Pop sings "CANDY" on the RADIO.
JANE
I'm sorry my dad was so weird
tonight.
ANGELA
It's okay. I'm used to guys
drooling over me.
(lights a cigarette)
It started when I was about
twelve. I'd go out to dinner with
my parents. Every Thursday night,
Red Lobster. And every guy there
would stare at me when I walked in.
And I knew what they were thinking.
Just like I knew guys at school
thought about me when they jerked
off...
JANE
Vomit.
ANGELA
No I liked it. And I still like
it. If people I don't even know
look at me and want to fuck me, it
means I really have a shot at being
a model. Which is great, because
there's one thing worse in life
than being ordinary.
An awkward beat. JANE stares at the floor.
JANE
I really think it'll happen for
you.
ANGELA
Oh, I know. Because everything
that was meant to happen, does.
Eventually.
(then)
Maybe I should come in a say good
night to your dad.
The two girls break into a fresh round OF stoned LAUGHTER.
EXT. BURNHAM HOUSE - CONTINUOUS
On VIDEO: JANE gets out OF the CAR, still LAUGHING, and waves
as Angela pulls away. We ZOOM in on Jane as she walks toward
the house. She turns suddenly, sensing our presence, and looks
directly at us.
Her POV: We're looking at the pale blue COLONIAL HOUSE next
door where the moving van was parked earlier. The front porch
is shrouded in darkness... then a PORCH LIGHT abruptly reveals
Ricky, perched on a white-washed Adirondack chair, having just
turned on the overhead light. As usual, he wears very
conservative clothes. There is a BEEPER attached to his belt,
and his VIDEO CAMERA dangles loosely around his neck.
Irritated, JANE stares at him, hard.
JANE
Asshole.
He looks BACK at her curiously, then raises his VIDEO camera
and starts to videotape her.
His POV, on VIDEO: JANE, angry and self-conscious, turns and
walks quickly toward her house, flipping us off as she goes.
INT. BURNHAM HOUSE - FOYER - CONTINUOUS
JANE enters, closes and locks the door, quickly turns off the
LIGHT that's been left on for her, then peeks through a
window..
Her POV: The Fitts' porch light is still on, but there's no
sign of Ricky.
Jane starts quietly up the stairs. Then, just as she's almost
out of sight, she smiles, a schoolgirl thrilled to discover
she's the object of a schoolboy's crush.
FADE to BLACK.
FADE IN
INT. BURNHAM HOUSE - JANE'S BEDROOM - THE NEXT MORNING
CLOSE on an ADDRESS BOOK. A man's hand flips to the H page
and then his finger runs down the names on it, stopping at the
name Angela Hayes...
Lester, already dressed for work, sits at Jane's desk, going
through her address book. We HEAR the SHOWER running in the
adjacent bathroom, and Jane SINGING "CANDY" at the top of her
lungs. Lester grabs her phone and dials.
JANE (O.C.)
I'VE HAD A HOLE... IN MY HEART...
FOR SO LONG...
CLOSE on LESTER, with the receiver to his ear, nervous.
ANGELA (O.C.)
(over phone line)
Hello? Hello?
LESTER is frozen, unable to speak. Suddenly, the shower is
turned off in the next room, and Jane's singing stops. Lester
hangs up and exits quickly. A moment, then the PHONE RINGS.
Jane emerges from the bathroom, dripping wet, and answers it.
JANE
Hello?
INT. HAYES HOUSE - ANGELA' S BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS
ANGELA is sprawled across her bed, on the phone. the walls OF
her room are covered with pictures of SUPERMODELS.
ANGELA
Why'd you call me?
Intercut with Jane in her bedroom:
JANE
I didn't.
ANGELA
Well, my phone just rung and I
answered it and somebody hung up
and then I star sixty-nined and it
called you back.
JANE
I was in the shower.
Then JANE notices her ADDRESS book open to the H page.
JANE (cont'd)
Oh, gross
EXT. BURNHAM HOUSE - CONTINUOUS
ON VIDEO: We're across from Jane's WINDOW, peering in. Jane
picks up the address book, frowning. She speaks into the one,
but we can't hear her.
WOMAN'S VOICE (O.C.)
(sing song)
Rick-y! Break-fast!
INT. FITTS HOUSE - RICKY'S BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS
Ricky, dressed for school, stands at his open window,
videotaping. He lowers his CAMERA, but his eyes remain locked
on Jane across the way.
RICKY
Be right there.
INT. FITTS HOUSE - KITCHEN - MOMENTS LATER
BARBARA FITTS stands at the stove, frying bacon. She's in her
fifties; pretty, in a slightly childish way. She flips the
bacon strips mechanically, her eyes focused elsewhere. Her
husband, COLONEL FRANK FITTS (whom we recognize from his run-
in with Detective Fleishman at the beginning), sits at a
dinette reading The Wall Street 'Journal. They're each off in
their own little world, which they vastly prefer to this one,
then:
RICKY
(entering)
Mom.
Startled, BARBARA turns to him.
BARBARA
Hello.
RICKY
I don't eat bacon, remember?
BARBARA
(unnerved)
I must have forgotten. I'm sorry.
RICKY serves himself scrambled eggs from ANOTHER pan, then
joins his father at the table.
RICKY
What's new in the world, Dad?
COLONEL
This country is going straight to
hell.
RICKY
So nothing's changed.
A DOORBELL rings. the COLONEL and BARBARA look at each
other, alarmed.
COLONEL
Are you expecting anyone?
BARBARA
No.
(things)
No.
The COLONEL rises and heads toward the living ROOM, a little
puffed up. Curious, Ricky follows. Barbara just stands
there, frightened.
INT. FITTS HOUSE - FOYER - CONTINUOUS
The COLONEL opens the front door to reveal the two JIMS.
JIM #1
Hi.
JIM #2
Welcome to the neighborhood.
Jim #1 holds out a basket filled with flowers, vegetables and
a small white cardboard box tied with raffia.
JIM #1
Just a little something from our
garden.
RICKY watches from the BACK OF the foyer.
JIM #2
Except for the pasta, we got that
at Dean and Deluca.
JIM #1
It's unbelievably fresh. You just
barely drop it in the water and
it's done.
The COLONEL stares at them, suspicious.
JIM #1 (cont'd)
(offers his hand)
I'm Jim Olsen. I live across the
street. Welcome to the
neighborhood.
COLONEL
(shakes)
Colonel Frank Fits, U.S. Marine
Corps.
JIM #1
Nice to meet you . And this is my
partner...
JIM #2
(offers his hand)
Jim Boyd, but my friends call me
J.B.
COLONEL
Let's cut to the chase, okay?
What are you guys selling?
A beat.
JIM #2
Nothing. We just wanted to say hi
to our new neighbors -
COLONEL
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You said you're
partners. So what's your business?
A beat. the Jims look at each other, then BACK at the
Colonel.
JIM #1
Well, he's an entertainment
lawyer.
JIM #2
And he's an anesthesiologist.
They're trying not to laugh. The Colonel looks at them,
confused, then it dawns on him.
INT. COLONEL' S FORD EXPLORER - LATER
The COLONEL drives, staring darkly at the road ahead. IN the
passenger seat, Ricky is using a CALCULATOR and jotting
numbers down in a NOTEBOOK.
COLONEL
(suddenly)
How come these faggots always have
to rub it in your face? How can
they be so shameless?
RICKY
That's the whole thing, Dad. They
don't feel like it's anything to be
ashamed of.
The COLONEL looks at RICKY sharply.
COLONEL
Well, it is.
A beat, as RICKY continues his calculations, before He
realizes a response is expected from him. Then:
RICKY
You're right.
The Colonel's eyes flash angrily.
COLONEL
Don't placate me like I'm your
mother, boy.
RICKY sighs, then looks at his father and speaks with sincere
hatred.
RICKY
Forgive me sir, for speaking so
bluntly, but those fags make me
want to puke my fucking guts out.
The COLONEL is taken aback, But quickly covers.
COLONEL
Me too, son. Me too.
Case closed, RICKY goes BACK to his calculations.
CLOSE on the pencil in his hands... he's totaling two columns
of NUMBERS. Under the column "Income" he writes in swift, bold
strokes: $24,950.00.
EXT. high SCHOOL CAMPUS - a FEW MINUTES LATER
JANE and ANGELA are seated with two other TEENAGE GIRLS.
They're all smoking.
ANGELA
I'm serious, he just yanked it out
and showed it to me. You know, like
the President did to that woman.
TEENAGE GIRL #1
Gross
ANGELA
It wasn't gross. It was kind of
cool.
TEENAGE GIRL #1
So did you do it with him?
ANGELA
Of course I did. He is a really
well-known photographer? He shoots
for Elle on like, a regular basis?
It would have been so majorly
stupid of me to turn him down.
TEENAGE GIRL #2
You are a total prostitute.
ANGELA
Hey. That's how things really
are. You just don't know, because
you're this pampered little
suburban chick.
TEENAGE GIRL #2
So are you. You've only been in
Seventeen once, and you looked fat,
so stop acting like you're goddamn
Christy Turlington.
The two TEENAGE girls move away from JANE and Angela.
ANGELA
(calling off)
Cunt!
(then)
I am so sick of people taking
their insecurities out on me.
The Colonel's Ford Explorer pulls up, and Ricky gets out. The
creases on his trousers are sharp enough to cut glass.
JANE
Oh my God. That's the pervert who
filmed me last night.
ANGELA
Him? No way. Jane, he is a total
lunatic.
JANE
You know him?
ANGELA
He was in my earth science class
in eighth grade, and he always said
the creepiest things, and then one
day, he was just, like, gone. And
then Connie Cardullo told me he his
parents had to put him in a mental
institution.
JANE
Why? What did he do?
ANGELA
What do you mean?
JANE
Well, they can't put you away just
for saying creepy things.
ANGELA stares at JANE, then her mouth widens into a smile.
ANGELA
You total slut. You've got a
crush on him.
JANE
What? Please.
ANGELA
You were defending him! You love
him. You want to have, like, ten
thousand of his babies.
JANE
Shut up.
JANE Suddenly finds RICKY standing IN front OF her, looking
at her intensely.
RICKY
Hi. My name's Ricky. I just moved
next door to you.
JANE
Uh, yeah. I know. I kinda remember
this really creepy incident when
you were filming me last night?
RICKY
I didn't mean to scare you. I just
think you're interesting.
ANGELA shoots a wide-eyed look at JANE, who ignores it.
JANE
Thanks, but I really don't need to
have some psycho obsessing about me
right now.
RICKY
I'm not obsessing. I'm just
curious.
He looks at her intently, his eyes searching hers. JANE is
unnerved and has to look away. Ricky smiles and walks off.
ANGELA
What a freak. And why does he
dress like a Bible salesman?
JANE
He's like, so confident. That
can't be real.
ANGELA
I don't believe him. He didn't
even like, look at me once.
EXT. suburban NEIGHBORHOOD - DAY
CLOSE on a wooden SIGN that reads:
Open HOUSE TODAY
BURNHAM & ASSOCIATES REALTY
555-1618
Carolyn BURNHAM the SIGN is planted IN front OF a RUN-down
HOME in a run-down middle-class neighborhood. The Mercedes-
Benz ML320 is parked in front of the house. Carolyn, wearing
a T-shirt and jeans, unloads a box filled with cleaning
supplies, a BOOMBOX and a garment bag from the back.
Something across the street catches her eye.
Her POV: IN front OF a DIFFERENT HOUSE with much More curb
appeal is another SIGN, with a picture of the same silver-
haired MAN we saw on the bus stop bench earlier. It reads:
FOR SALE
Call Leonard Kane - the Real Estate King
555-1957
Carolyn frowns and slams the BACK OF the MERCEDES shut, a
little harder than necessary.
INT. SALE HOUSE - living ROOM - MOMENTS LATER
Carolyn enters, hangs her garment bag IN the hall closet and
inspects the empty living room. The cathedral ceiling is
painted an alarming burnt orange, and the native stone
fireplace has shed a couple of stones onto the floor, which
she quickly picks up and wedges back into the fireplace.
CAROLYN
(quietly)
I will sell this house today.
She plugs IN the BOOMBOX, presses a button and we HEAR Tony
Bennett singing "WITH PLENTY OF MONEY AND YOU," which plays
throughout the following
MONTAGE
We see Carolyn, working with
fierce concentration as she:
Doggedly scrubs countertops in the kitchen; Perches on a
stepladder to dust a cheap-looking white ceiling fan in the
mater bedroom; Cleans glass doors that overlook the patio and
pool; Skims leaves off the surface of the pool; Sweeps the
patio with a broom; And vacuums a dirty carpet that will never
be clean.
Throughout all this, she keeps repeating to herself:
CAROLYN
I will sell this house today.
I will sell this house today.
I will sell this house today...
She says This as if she believes she can actually will This
house into being something more than the dump it is.
INT. SALE HOUSE - BATHROOM - LATER
Carolyn stands IN front OF the mirror, Now dressed IN a
stylish but not-too-formal business suit. She finishes
applying lipstick, then stares at her reflection, critically.
CAROLYN
I will sell this house today.
She says This as if it were a threat, then turns to go. on
her way out, she notices a smudge on the glass shower door and
pulls off a piece of toilet paper to clean it.
EXT. SALE HOUSE - front YARD - LATER
CLOSE on the front door, as it opens to reveal Carolyn,
greeting us with her most winning smile - the smile she thinks
could sell ice to an Eskimo.
CAROLYN
Welcome. I'm Carolyn Burnham!
MUSIC ENDS.
INT. SALE HOUSE - FOYER - CONTINUOUS
Smiling, Carolyn leads a MAN and WOMAN into the living room.
They're thirtyish, and they've seen a lot of houses today.
MAN
(looking up)
How high is that ceiling?
CAROLYN
Over twenty feet.
WOMAN
That color is hideous.
CAROLYN
a simple cream would really lighten things up. You could
even put in a skylight.
The WOMAN wrinkles her face, skeptical.
CAROLYN (cont'd)
Wait 'til you see the kitchen.
INT. SALE HOUSE - KITCHEN - LATER
Carolyn enters, still Smiling, followed By a DIFFERENT COUPLE
in their fifties.
CAROLYN
As you can see, it's been
completely remodeled.
MAN
(opening cabinet)
These have just been refaced. no
new construction.
WOMAN
(re: faucet)
What is this, gold?
CAROLYN
No, it's solid brass.
WOMAN
Kinda gaudy, isn't it?
INT. SALE HOUSE - MASTER BEDROOM - LATER
Carolyn stands with a different COUPLE: African American,
late twenties. The woman is pregnant.
CAROLYN
...and you'll be surprised how
much a ceiling fan can cut down on
your energy costs.
MAN
I got a cousin, he was a
ballplayer. Ceiling fan fell on him
in a bar and severed a tendon in
his shoulder. Never fully regained
use of that arm. Ruined his career.
Carolyn just stares at him, still smiling.
EXT. SALE HOUSE - BACK YARD - LATER
Carolyn stands By the pool next to two thirtyish WOMEN with
identical haircuts.
WOMAN
The ad said this pool was "lagoon-
like." But there's nothing "lagoon-
like" about it. Except for maybe
the bugs.
(slaps her arm)
There's not even any plants out
here.
CAROLYN
I have an excellent landscape
architect -
WOMAN
I mean, I think "lagoon," and I
think waterfall, I think tropical.
This is just a cement hole.
A beat.
CAROLYN
There are some tiki torches in the
garage.
The Women stare at her; she just keeps smiling.
INT. SALE HOUSE - SUN ROOM - MOMENTS LATER
Carolyn enters, alone. She's furious, much more furious than
she should be. She locks the sliding glass door and starts to
pull the vertical blinds shut, then stops. Standing very
still, with the blinds casting shadows across her face, she
starts to cry: brief, staccato SOBS that seemingly escape
against her will. Suddenly she SLAPS herself, hard.
CAROLYN
Stop it.
But the Tears continue. she SLAPS herself again.
CAROLYN (cont'd)
Weak. Baby. Shut up. Shut up!
She SLAPS herself repeatedly until she stops crying. she
stands. there, taking deep, even breaths until she has
everything under control, then she finishes pulling the blinds
shut, once again all business. She walks out calmly, leaving
us alone in the dark, empty room.
INT. HOTEL BALLROOM - LATER THAT NIGHT
We HEAR a jazzy rendition of "DESAFINADO" under the
cacophonous and oddly comforting DIN of a room full of people
all talking at once.
SIGN NEAR THE DOOR READS:
GREATER ROCKWELL REALTOR RESOURCES GROUP
Well-dressed professionals stand IN clumps, chatting.
Catering waiters serve hors d'eouvres. We discover Lester and
Carolyn, with cocktails, MOVING through the crowd.
CAROLYN
Lester, listen to me. This is an
important business function. Now,
as you know, my business is selling
an image. And part of my job is to
live that image -
LESTER
(in unison with her;
he's heard this before)
is to live that image -
(then)
Just say whatever you want to say,
okay? Spare me the propaganda.
CAROLYN
(sighs)
Will you please do me a favor and
act happy tonight?
LESTER
(grins stupidly)
I am happy, honey.
Carolyn's jaw tightens, then:
CAROLYN
(spots someone)
Leonard!
She drag. LESTER toward a distinguished silver-haired MAN and
his much younger WIFE. We recognize the Man as LEONARD KANE
The Real Estate King.
CAROLYN (cont'd)
(shakes Leonard's hand)
It's good to see you again.
LEONARD
(friendly)
It's good to see you too,
Catherine.
CAROLYN
Carolyn.
LEONARD
Carolyn! Of course. How are you?
CAROLYN
Very well, thank you.
(to his wife)
Hello, Christy.
CHRISTY
Hello
CAROLYN
This is my husband, Lester -
LEONARD
(shakes Lester's Hand)
It's a pleasure.
LESTER
We've actually met. At this same
thing last year? Wait - maybe it
was that Christmas thing at the
Sheraton.
LEONARD
Oh, yes.
LESTER
(friendly)
It's okay. I wouldn't remember me
either.
He LAUGHS. a little too loudly. Carolyn quickly joins in.
CAROLYN
(forced gaiety)
Honey. Don't be weird.
She smiles her winning smile at him. He knows This persona
well, only it's never pissed him off as much as it does right
now.
LESTER
All right, honey. I won't be
weird.
He moves IN Suddenly, his face CLOSE to hers.
LESTER (cont'd)
I'll be whatever you want me to
be.
And He kisses her - a soft, warm kiss THAT speaks
unmistakably of sex - then turns to the others and grins.
LESTER (cont'd)
We have a very healthy
relationship.
Carolyn's smile is frozen on her face, and we can see just
about every vein in her neck.
LESTER (cont'd)
Well. I don't know about you, but
I need another drink.
He crosses off. Carolyn, Leonard and Christy watch him go.
INT. HOTEL BALLROOM - MOMENTS LATER
LESTER stands at the bar. the bartender pours him a scotch.
LESTER
Whoa. Put a little more in there,
cowboy.
The bartender complies. LESTER takes his drink and turns to
face the center of the room.
His POV: Carolyn is talking to Leonard and Christy. She's
on: smiling, animated, LAUGHING too loud at their jokes.
Lester smiles and shakes his head. Ricky approaches him,
wearing a waiter's uniform, carrying a tray of empty glasses.
RICKY
Excuse me - don't you live on
Robin Hood Trail? The house with
the red door?
LESTER
(suspicious)
Yeah.
RICKY
I'm Ricky Fitts. I just moved into
the house next to you.
LESTER
Oh. Hi, Ricky Fitts. I'm Lester
Burnham.
RICKY
Hi, Lester Burnham.
A beat. LESTER looks away, scans the crowd, then downs the
rest of his drink in one gulp. Ricky just stands there,
watching him. Finally Lester turns back to Ricky: what does
this kid want?
RICKY (cont'd)
Hey, do you party?
LESTER
I'm sorry?
RICKY
Do you get high?
Lester's surprised, but instantly intrigued.
INT. HOTEL BALLROOM - MOMENTS LATER
Carolyn and Leonard are deep IN conversation. Christy has
wandered off. Carolyn is nervous; Leonard seems amused.
CAROLYN
I probably wouldn't even tell you
this if I weren't a little tipsy,
but... I am in complete awe of you.
Your firm is, hands down, the Rolls
Royce of local Real Estate firms,
and, well, your personal sales
record is, is, is very
intimidating. I'd love to sit down
with you, just to pick your brain,
if you'd ever be willing. I
suppose, technically, I'm the
competition, but... I mean, I
don't flatter myself that I'm even
in the same league as you...
LEONARD
I'd love to.
CAROLYN
(shocked)
Really?
LEONARD
Absolutely. Call my secretary and
have her schedule a lunch.
CAROLYN
I'll do that. Thank you.
She smiles at him, and He smiles back. This situation is
loaded and they both know it.
EXT. HOTEL - LATER
RICKY and LESTER stand next to a dumpster behind the service
entrance to the hotel, smoking a JOINT.
LESTER
What about... did you ever see
that one movie, with the body
walking around holding its own
head? And then the head went down
on that babe?
RICKY
Re-Animator. It was okay.
Suddenly, the service entrance opens, and a serious YOUNG MAN
in a cheap suit peers out at them. Ricky hides the joint.
Suddenly, the service entrance opens, and a serious YOUNG MAN
in a cheap suit peers out at them. Ricky hides the joint.
MAN
(to Ricky)
Look. I'm not paying you to...
(eyes Lester,
suspiciously)
...do whatever it is you're doing
out here.
RICKY
Fine. Don't pay me.
MAN
Excuse me?
RICKY
I quit. So you don't have to pay
me. Now, leave me alone.
A beat.
MAN
Asshole.
He goes BACK inside. LESTER looks at RICKY, who shrugs as He
stubs out the joint.
LESTER
I think you just became my
personal hero.
(then)
Doesn't that make you nervous,
just quitting your job like that?
Well, I guess when you're all of,
what? Sixteen?
RICKY
Nineteen.
(off Lester's look)
I was held back a few years in
school. (then)
I just do these gigs every now and
then as a cover. I have other
sources of income. But my dad
interferes a lot less in my life
when I pretend to be an upstanding
young citizen with a respectable
job.
CAROLYN (O.C.)
Lester?
Carolyn is standing IN the open service entrance, staring at
Lester and Ricky curiously.
CAROLYN (cont'd)
What are you doing?
LESTER
Carolyn, this is Ricky Fitts.
RICKY
Hi, I just moved next door to you.
I also go to school with your
daughter.
LESTER
With Jane? Really?
RICKY
Yeah. Jane.
CAROLYN
Hi
(then to Lester)
I'm ready to leave. I'll meet you
out front.
And she goes BACK inside.
LESTER
Uh-oh. I'm in trouble. Well, nice
to meet you, Ricky. Thanks for the,
uh, thing.
RICKY
Any time.
LESTER goes inside.
RICKY (cont'd)
(calls after him)
If you want any more, you know
where I live.
INT. BURNHAM HOUSE - FAMILY ROOM - LATER THAT NIGHT
JANE and ANGELA are watching TV. we HEAR the BACK door open.
JANE
Oh, God. They're home. Quick,
let's go Up to my room.
JANE switches off the TV and starts UP the stairs.
ANGELA
I should say hi to your dad.
(off Jane's look)
I don't want to be rude.
She starts toward the kitchen. JANE comes BACK down the
stairs. She doesn't like this.
INT. BURNHAM HOUSE - KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS
LESTER enters and opens the refrigerator, surveying the
choices inside.
ANGELA (O.C.)
Nice suit.
He turns, and is instantly transfixed by:
His POV: ANGELA leans against the counter, twirling her hair.
ANGELA (cont'd)
You're looking good, Mr. Burnham.
(off his look)
You look all relaxed.
She starts toward him
ANGELA (cont'd)
Last time I saw you, you looked
kind of wound up.
(spots something)
Oo, is that root beer?
She reaches inside the refrigerator to grab a bottle. as she
does, she moves to place her other hand casually on Lester's
shoulder. He sees it coming. Everything SLOWS DOWN, and all
sound FADES...
EXTREME CLOSE UP on her hand as it briefly touches his
shoulder in SLOW MOTION. He HEAR only the amplified BRUSH of
her fingers against the fabric of his suit, and its unnatural,
hollow ECHO...
BACK IN Real TIME: she grabs the root beer and looks UP at
him; smiling.
CLOSE on LESTER: his eyes narrow slightly, then:
He takes the root beer from ANGELA and puts it on the
counter. Then he cups her face in his hands and kisses her
roughly. She seems shocked, but doesn't resist as he pulls her
toward him with surprising strength.
He breaks the kiss, looking at her IN awe, then He reaches UP
and touches his lips. His eyes widen as he pulls a solitary
ROSE PETAL from his mouth right before we SMASH CUT TO:
INT. BURNHAM HOUSE - KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS
ANGELA is BACK against the counter, drinking the root beer.
Lester stands by the refrigerator, gazing at her, still lost
in his fantasy.
ANGELA
I love root beer, don't you?
JANE watches from the doorway to the FAMILY ROOM, staring at
her father and feeling incredibly awkward in her own home.
Carolyn enter from the dining room. Lester snaps out of it and
grabs a root beer from the refrigerator.
JANE
Mom, you remember Angela.
CAROLYN
(her sales smile)
Yes, of course!
JANE
I forgot to tell you, she's
spending the night. It that okay?
LESTER
Sure!
He takes a sip OF his root beer, But it goes down the wrong
way and he starts COUGHING violently.
INT. BURNHAM HOUSE - JANE'S BEDROOM - LATER THAT NIGHT
ANGELA lays on the bed, IN her bra and panties, flipping
through a fashion magazine. Jane, in an oversized T shirt,
plays a video game on her computer.
JANE
I'm sorry about my dad.
ANGELA
Don't be. I think it's funny.
JANE
Yeah, to you, he's just another
guy who wants to jump your bones.
But to me... he's just too
embarrassing to live.
ANGELA
Your mom's the one who's
embarrassing. What a phony.
JANE glances at ANGELA, irritated.
ANGELA (cont'd)
But your dad is actually kind of
cute.
JANE
Shut up.
Lester, still in his suit, stands outside Jane's room, his
ear up against the door. He can't believe what he's hearing.
ANGELA (O.C.)
He is. If he just worked out a
little, he'd be hot.
JANE (O.C.)
Shut up.
ANGELA (O.C.)
Oh, come on. Haven't you ever
sneaked a peek at him in his
underwear?
INT. BURNHAM HOUSE - JANE'S ROOM - CONTINUOUS
ANGELA
I bet he's got a big dick.
JANE
You are so grossing me out.
ANGELA
(really enjoying this)
If he built up his chest and arms,
I'd totally fuck him.
JANE covers her ears and starts singing to drown her out.
INT. BURNHAM HOUSE - HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS
Lester, still listening, looks like he's about to implode.
ANGELA (O.C.)
(laughs)
I would! I would suck your dad's
big fat dick, and then I would fuck
him 'til his eyes rolled back in
his head!
(then)
What was that noise? Jane.
Jane's SINGING stops.
ANGELA (O.C.) (cont'd)
I swear I heard something.
Panicked, LESTER scurries down the hall.
INT. BURNHAM HOUSE - JANE'S BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS
JANE
Yeah, it was the sound of you
being a huge disgusting pig.
ANGELA
I'm serious.
We HEAR the sharp TAP OF a penny being thrown against glass.
ANGELA (cont'd)
See?
ANGELA crosses to the window and looks out.
ANGELA (cont'd)
(spots something)
Oh my God. Jane
EXT. BURNHAM HOUSE - CONTINUOUS
We see Angela standing at the window in her underwear,
looking down at us. Jane joins her and is immediately
unnerved by what she sees:
Their POV: In the Burnham's DRIVEWAY, the word "JANE" is
spelled out in FIRE.
INT. BURNHAM HOUSE - JANE'S BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS
JANE
What is it?
ANGELA
It's that psycho next door. Jane,
what if he worships you? What if
he's got a shrine with pictures of
you surrounded by dead people's
heads and stuff?
JANE
Shit. I bet he's filming us right
now.
ANGELA
(intrigued)
Really?
EXT. BURNHAM HOUSE - CONTINUOUS
ON VIDEO: We're across from Jane's window, peering in. Jane
tries to shut the drapes, but Angela won't let her. Irritated,
Jane retreats into the room. We ZOOM toward her, even as
Angela poses in the window, waving, but we're clearly not
interested in Angela. The ZOOM continues, searching for Jane,
who has disappeared. Finally, we settle on the full-length
MIRROR on the open closet door, where we see a REFLECTION of
Jane, back at her computer. She's smiling.
INT. FITTS HOUSE - RICKY'S BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS
RICKY sits IN darkness with his VIDEO camera, videotaping
through the open window. He lowers his camera and smiles...
then something below catches his attention. He leans out the
window to get better look at:
EXT. BURNHAM HOUSE -GARAGE - CONTINUOUS
Ricky's POV: Through a WINDOW on the front of the Burnham's
GARAGE DOOR, we see Lester, still in his suit, digging through
shelves against the back wall.
INT. BURNHAM HOUSE - GARAGE - CONTINUOUS
LESTER pulls aside old board games, badminton racquets, and
strings of Christmas lights, searching for something as if his
very life depended on it.
LESTER
Shit. Shit!
Then He yanks aside a box OF wallpaper scrap, and his face
lights up at what he finds:
A pair OF DUMBBELLS, obviously unused FOR many years.
LESTER rips off his jacket and tie and unbuttons his shirt.
He glances around, finding his REFLECTION in the WINDOW as he
pulls off his shirt, then the T-shirt underneath.
He eyes himself critically: Angela was right, he's not in bad
shape. Naturally broad-shouldered, with just a few extra
pounds around his middle that wouldn't be hard to shed. He
kicks off his shoes and begins to step out of his pants.
INT. FITTS HOUSE - RICKY'S BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS
RICKY holds his camera UP and starts to videotape.
EXT. BURNHAM HOUSE - GARAGE - CONTINUOUS
Ricky's POV, on VIDEO: Through the GARAGE DOOR WINDOW, we see
Lester stepping out of his pants. He then pulls off his
briefs, and stands there naked, except for black socks. He
grabs the dumbbells and starts lifting them over his head;
although he's watching his reflection in the window, it looks
like he's watching us as we're watching him...
INT. FITTS HOUSE - RICKY'S BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS
RICKY stands at the open window, videotaping.
RICKY
Welcome to America's Weirdest Home
Videos.
Suddenly we HEAR someone trying to open the door from the
other side - it's locked.
COLONEL (O.C.)
Ricky!
MOVING swiftly, RICKY pulls the drapes shut and switches on a
light. His room is a haven of high-tech. A state-of-the-art
multimedia COMPUTER crowds his desk, and high-end STEREO and
VIDEO EQUIPMENT line the shelves, as well as HUNDREDS OF CDs.
There is easily twenty thousand dollars worth of equipment in
this room.
RICKY
Coming, Dad.
COLONEL (O.C.)
You know I don't like locked doors
in my house, boy.
RICKY grabs a REMOTE and switches on his wide-screen TV just
before he opens the door.
RICKY
I must have locked it by accident,
sorry. So what's up?
The COLONEL holds out a small PLASTIC CUP with a CAP.
COLONEL
I need a urine sample.
RICKY
Wow. Is it six months already?
Can I give it to you in the
morning? I just took a whiz.
The Colonel doesn't respond. His eyes are focused on:
On the TV: the shower scene from Top Gun plays. Seminude
young MALE BODIES, artfully lit.
COLONEL
What the hell is that?
RICKY turns to the TV.
RICKY
Top Gun. It's about pilot training
in the Air Force. You never saw it?
The COLONEL shakes his head, eyes glued to the screen.
RICKY (cont'd)
Oh, you would love this movie,
Dad. Want to watch it with me?
The COLONEL looks at him sharply, then:
COLONEL
No.
He quickly walks down the hall. RICKY smiles, shuts and
locks his door. He puts the plastic cup on the shelf, then
crosses to a MINI REFRIGERATOR in the corner of his room and
opens it. He takes out a cup-sized TUPPERWARE CONTAINER from
the freezer, already filled with urine, albeit frozen, and
places it on a saucer to thaw overnight.
INT. BURNHAM HOUSE - MASTER BEDROOM - LATER THAT NIGHT
Carolyn lies sleeping; Lester is awake, staring at the
ceiling. After a moment, he gets up taking care not to
disturb Carolyn, and walks toward the bathroom.
INT. BURNHAM HOUSE - MASTER BATH - CONTINUOUS
LESTER enters and switches on the LIGHT. the ROOM is filled
with STEAM. Lester looks around, confused, then focuses on:
His POV: across from us, IN a PEDESTAL BATHTUB, is Angela.
She smiles and beckons us, and we MOVE CLOSER. ROSE PETALS
float on the surface of the water, obscuring her naked body.
ANGELA
I've been waiting for you.
LESTER kneels By the BATHTUB like a MAN IN church. ANGELA
reaches out and feels his biceps.
ANGELA (cont'd)
Oh! You've been working
out, haven't you? I can
tell.
She arches her BACK, and her breasts protrude Through the
surface of the water. She looks up at Lester.
ANGELA (cont'd)
I was hoping you'd give me a
bath... I'm very, very dirty.
LESTER gives her a hard look, then slowly slips his hand into
the water between her legs. Her eyes widen and she throws her
head back... and we SMASH CUT TO:
INT. BURNHAM HOUSE 0- MASTER BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS
CLOSE on Carolyn, her eyes wide, listening to the rhythmic
BRUSH of Lester's hand as he masturbates under the covers.
She flips over and faces him.
CAROLYN
What are you doing?
A beat.
LESTER
What does it look like I'm doing?
I'm whacking off.
CAROLYN
What?!
She switches on the bedside light and gets out OF bed.
Lester LAUGHS.
LESTER
Spanking the monkey. Flogging the
bishop. Choking the chicken.
Jerking the gherkin.
CAROLYN
How disgusting.
LESTER
Oh. Well, forgive me, but I still
have blood pumping through my
veins!
A beat. Carolyn sits IN a chair across the ROOM from him.
CAROLYN
Lester. I refuse to live like
this. This is not a marriage.
LESTER
This hasn't been a marriage for
years. But you were perfectly happy
as long as I kept my mouth shut.
Well, guess what? I've changed. And
the new me whacks off when he feels
horny, because you're obviously not
going to help me out in that
department.
CAROLYN
(furious)
Don't mess with me, mister, or I
will divorce you so fast it'll make
your head spin!
LESTER
On what grounds? I'm not a drunk,
I don't fuck other women, I've
never hit you, or mistreated you,
or even tried to touch you since
you made it clear just how
unnecessary you consider me to be.
But. I did support you while you
got your license. And some people
might think that entitles me to
half of what's yours.
She's stunned - it's clear he knows where she's most
vulnerable. He sees this, and likes it; it feels good to win
for a change. He curls up under the covers contentedly.
LESTER (cont'd)
Turn the light off when you come
to bed, okay?
Carolyn just sits there, staring at him with absolute hatred.
FADE to BLACK.
FADE IN:
EXT. ROBIN HOOD TRAIL - EARLY MORNING
We're FLYING high above the neighborhood, like in Lester's
dream at the beginning. Below us we see the two Jims, jogging.
We approach them steadily.
LESTER (V.O.)
It's a great thing to realize you
still have the ability to surprise
yourself. Makes you wonder what
else you can do that you've
forgotten about...
EXT. ROBIN HOOD TRAIL - CONTINUOUS
We're now at street level, FOLLOWING the two Jims.
LESTER (O.C.)
Hey! You guys!
Still running, the Jims turn back in perfect unison to see:
Their POV: LESTER, IN a baggy sweatshirt and a pair OF faded
old Ithaca College sweatpants, runs toward them.
They slow down until He catches UP, then the three men RUN
together in the early morning light.
JIM #2
Lester, I didn't know you ran.
LESTER
(panting)
Just started.
JIM #1
Good for you.
LESTER
I figured you guys might be able
to give me some pointers. I need
to shape up. Fast.
JIM #1
Well, are you just looking to lose
weight, or do you want increased
strength and flexibility as well?
LESTER
I want to look good naked.
EXT. FITTS HOUSE - LATER
The COLONEL is washing his Ford Explorer, squatting to scrub
the bumper, when something catches his eye:
His POV: LESTER and the Jims jog down the street.
The Colonel stands, scowling. Ricky comes out of the house,
holding the URINE SPECIMEN CUP in front of him.
RICKY
Here you go, Dad. Fresh-squeezed.
But the Colonel doesn't take it; he just keeps staring at the
joggers, frowning.
COLONEL
What is this, the fucking gay
pride parade?
Just then, LESTER sees RICKY and waves.
LESTER
Yo! Ricky!
He breaks off from the two Jims, slapping one OF them on the
back as he does, then heads down the Fitts' driveway. The
Colonel turns and looks at Ricky, uneasy.
RICKY
That's Mr. Burnham. He lives next
door.
LESTER jogs UP to them, out OF breath. He grabs hold OF his
knees and bends over, panting.
LESTER
My entire e life is flashing in
front of my eyes, and those two
barely broke a sweat.
He LAUGHS, and extends his hand to the Colonel.
LESTER (cont'd)
Hi, I'm Lester Burnham.
COLONEL
(shakes)
Colonel Frank Fitts, U.S. Marine
Corps.
LESTER
Whoa. Welcome to the
neighborhood, sir.
He salutes the COLONEL good-naturedly, grinning. the COLONEL
doesn't think it's funny. An awkward beat.
LESTER (cont'd)
So, Ricky, uh, when you get a
chance, I just...
(stalls, then, pointed)
I just was thinking about that
movie you told me about...
RICKY
(quickly)
RE-ANIMATOR. Yeah. I've got it on
tape. Want to borrow it?
(before Lester can
answer)
It's up in my room. Come on.
He heads into the house. LESTER smiles at the COLONEL, then
follows him. The Colonel watches them go, his eyes dark.
INT. FITTS HOUSE - living ROOM MOMENTS LATER
CLOSE on a TV: We're watching a NATURE DOCUMENTARY. Pale,
swollen ocean-bottom creatures lunge toward their unsuspecting
prey in SLOW MOTION.
BARBARA FITTS sits across from the TV, looking somewhere IN
its general direction. Ricky and Lester enter.
RICKY
Mom. This is Lester. He lives next
door.
BARBARA
(distant)
All right, be careful.
RICKY and LESTER head UP the stairs.
INT. FITTS HOUSE - RICKY'S BEDROOM - MOMENTS LATER
RICKY enters, followed By Lester.
RICKY
Can you hold his for a sec?
He gives the URINE SPECIMEN to LESTER, then locks the door.
RICKY (cont'd)
I don't think my dad would try to
come in when somebody else is here,
but you never know.
RICKY crosses to a bureau and opens a DRAWER. He takes
clothing out and piles it on his bed.
LESTER
(re: urine cup)
What is this?
RICKY
Urine. I have to take a drug test
every six months to make sure I'm
clean.
LESTER
Are you kidding? You just smoked
with me last night.
RICKY
It's not mine. One of my clients
is a nurse in a pediatrician's
office. I cut her a deal, she keeps
me in clean piss.
LESTER
Sweet.
Lester picks up a CD case from a shelf and examines it: it's
The Beatles' Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band.
LESTER (cont'd)
You a Beatles fan?
RICKY
I like a lot of music.
LESTER
(mockingly)
When everybody else in junior high
was listening to the Beatles, I was
into Three Dog Night.
He shakes his head, then puts the CD Case down. RICKY, Having
emptied the drawer, now removes a FALSE BOTTOM, revealing rows
of MARIJUANA tightly packed in ZIP-LOC BAGS.
RICKY
How much do you want?
LESTER
Uh, I'm not sure. It's been a while. How much is an ounce?
RICKY
(indicates bag)
Well, this is totally decent, and
it's three hundred.
LESTER
Wow.
RICKY
(indicates another bag)
But this shit is top of the line,
It's called G-143. Genetically
engineered by the U.S. Government.
Extremely potent. But a completely
mellow high, no paranoia.
LESTER
Is that what we smoked last night?
RICKY
This is all I ever smoke.
LESTER
How much?
RICKY
Two grand.
LESTER
Jesus. Things have certainly
changed since 1973.
RICKY
You don't have to pay now. I know
you're good for it.
A beat.
LESTER
Thanks.
RICKY hands him a bag OF the Top-OF-the-line dope.
RICKY
There's a card in there with my
beeper number, feel free to call me
anytime day a or night. Oh, and I
only accept
LESTER
(looks around room)
Well, now I know how you can
afford all this equipment. When I
was your age, I worked at
McDonald's all summer just to buy
an eight track.
RICKY
That sucks.
LESTER
Actually, it was probably the best
time of my life. All I did was
party and get laid.
RICKY starts putting the DRAWER BACK together.
RICKY
My dad thinks I paid for all this
with catering jobs.
(laughs)
Never underestimate the power of
denial.
ANGLE ON Lester, smiling. This kid's cool.
EXT. BURNHAM HOUSE - LATER THAT DAY
Carolyn, carrying a basket OF fresh cut ROSES, passes By the
GARAGE DOOR WINDOW. From inside the garage, we HEAR The
Beatles' "COME TOGETHER." Carolyn stops and SNIFFS the air,
frowning. She peers through the window.
Her POV: LESTER, IN a T- shirt and gym short.9, lies on a new
WEIGHT BENCH, doing bench presses with shiny new BARBELLS.
INT. GARAGE - CONTINUOUS
Come together blasts from a new BOOMBOX on the floor. LESTER
finishes his last rep, straining, then puts the weights in
their rack on the bench and sits up, sweaty and out of breath.
He takes a drag off a joint, then picks up a BOOK off the
floor, a bodybuilding manual titled THE COMPLETE BOOK OF CHEST
AND ARMS. Suddenly, the GARAGE DOOR starts to open. Lester
looks up, squinting at:
His POV: the door raises to reveal Carolyn, silhouetted
against the bright sunlight outside, standing in front of the
Mercedes-Benz ML320, pointing a REMOTE at us.
LESTER just LAUGHS. Carolyn strides IN, still holding her
basket of roses, angry. She tries to turn off the BOOMBOX, but
every time she pushes a button, it skips to the next song, or
he FM tuner, she yanks the power cord out of the wall.
LESTER
Ooh. Mom's mad.
CAROLYN
What the hell do you think you're
doing?
LESTER
Bench presses. I'm going to wail on my pecs, and then I'm
going to do my back.
CAROLYN
You're smoking pot now? That's a
fine example to set for our
daughter.
LESTER
You're one to talk, you bloodless,
money-grubbing freak.
Carolyn is furious, But unable to think OF a response, Having
accepted that reason is no longer an option with him.
CAROLYN
(finally, re:
equipment)
You took the Mercedes to get all
this stuff?
LESTER
Of course I did. The Camry's too
small.
CAROLYN
Were you stoned then?
LESTER
What are you going to do, ground
me?
CAROLYN
Lester, that is a forty-thousand
dollar car. I don't want you
driving it when -
LESTER
Fine. I'll never drive your
precious Mercedes again. Big whoop.
It's just a glorified station wagon
that you paid way too much for
because you want to impress people.
A beat. Carolyn stands there, powerless and hating it.
LESTER (cont'd)
Do you mind? I'm trying to work
out here.
(then, suggestively)
Unless you want to spot me.
Struggling FOR dignity, Carolyn turns and walks out, then
stops at the garage door and turns back to him.
CAROLYN
You will not get away with this,
mister! I promise you!
And she's gone. Lester smiles, then leans back on the bench
and grabs the weights.
LESTER
(as he lifts)
That's. What. You. Think.
INT. OFFICE BUILDING - DAY
CLOSE on a COMPUTER MONITOR: We're in some sort of virtual-
reality post-apocalyptic environment. Hideous armed MUTANTS
approach from all angles, shooting at us. One by one, they're
blown away, their heads EXPLODING in geysers of BLOOD.
LESTER (O.C.)
Take that, alien bitches!
Lester sits in his cubicle at work, glued to his monitor,
feverishly handling a JOYSTICK.
LESTER (cont'd)
Woo-hoo!
From the surrounding cubicles, his co-workers watch blankly.
INT. BRAD'S OFFICE - MOMENTS LATER
BRAD is seated behind his desk, reading a document. LESTER
sits across from him, smiling.
BRAD
(reads)
...my job consists of basically
masking my contempt for the
assholes in charge, and, at least
once a day, retiring to the men's
room so I can jerk off while I
fantasize about a life that doesn't
so closely resemble hell.
(looks up at Lester)
Well, you obviously have no
interest in saving yourself.
LESTER
(laughs)
I've spent fourteen years being a
whore for the advertising industry.
The only way I could save myself
now is to start firebombing.
BRAD
Whatever. Management wants you
gone by the end of the day.
LESTER
Whoa. What kind of severance
package is "management" prepared to
give me? Considering the
information I have about our
editorial director buying pussy
with company money.
A beat.
LESTER (cont'd)
Which I'm sure would interest the
I.R.S., since, technically, it does
constitute fraud. And some of our
advertisers and rival publications
might like to know about it as
well. Not to mention Craig's wife.
A beat. BRAD sighs.
BRAD
What do you want?
LESTER
One year's salary, with continued
benefits.
BRAD
That's not going to happen.
LESTER
What if I throw in a little sexual
harassment charge?
BRAD LAUGHS.
BRAD
Against who?
LESTER
Against you.
BRAD stops LAUGHING.
LESTER (cont'd)
Can you prove you didn't offer to
save my job if I'd let you blow me?
BRAD leans BACK IN his chair, studying Lester.
BRAD
Man. You are one twisted fuck.
LESTER
(standing)
Nope. Just an ordinary guy with
nothing to lose.
LESTER starts toward the door, then:
LESTER (cont'd)
I hope you and I can still be
friends, Brad. And even though you
didn't save my job...
(smiling)
You can still blow me, asshole.
And He exits.
INT. RESTAURANT - the same DAY
Carolyn sits at a table By herself, lost IN thought. there
are two menus on the table. After a moment, Leonard Kane, the
Real Estate King, joins her. Upon seeing him, Carolyn
immediately becomes warm and gracious.
CAROLYN
Leonard.
LEONARD
Carolyn.
Carolyn smiles, genuinely touched THAT He remembers her name.
LEONARD (cont'd)
I'm so sorry I kept you waiting.
Christy left for New York this
morning, and... let's just say
things were very hectic around my
house.
CAROLYN
What's she doing in New York?
LEONARD
She's moving there.
(off Carolyn's look)
We're splitting up.
CAROLYN
Leonard. I'm so sorry.
She places her hand on his, Suddenly deeply concerned.
LEONARD
(bitterly)
Yes, according to her1 I'm too
focused on my career. As if being
driven to succeed is some sort of
character flaw. Of course, she
certainly took advantage of the
lifestyle my success afforded her
(then laughing)
Believe me, it's for the best.
CAROLYN
But when I saw you two at the
party the other night, you seemed
perfectly happy.
LEONARD
Well, call me crazy, but... it's
my philosophy that to actually be
successful, one must project an
image of success, at all times.
He smiles, then opens his menu. Carolyn picks hers UP
mechanically, but continues to stare at him, enraptured, like
a fervent Christian who's just come face to face with Jesus.
EXT. high SCHOOL CAMPUS - LATER THAT DAY
Students pour out OF the BUILDING at the end OF the day. we
follow Jane and Angela as they head toward the parking lot. A
handsome teenage JOCK walks past them.
JOCK
(to Angela, grabbing
his crotch)
Just say the word, baby, and it's
yours.
ANGELA
Great. Wrap it up and I'll take it
home. Oh, and I'd like thin slices,
please.
JOCK
(laughs)
You know you want it, you stuck-up
bitch.
And he's gone.
JANE
What is with you? Everyone I know
is dying to do it with him.
ANGELA
Oh, please. I would totally fall
asleep. Trust me, Jane, once you've
fucked that black guy who does the
Polo ads, you're a little spoiled.
She spots something and grabs Jane's arm.
JANE
Ow.
ANGELA
Look.
Her POV: RICKY stands at the edge OF the parking lot with his
VIDEO CAMERA, videotaping something on the ground at his feet.
ON VIDEO: A dead BIRD lays on the asphalt, decomposing,
covered with ants and flies.
ANGEL (O.C.) (cont'd)
What are you doing?
On VIDEO: the camera JERKS UP to discover JANE and ANGELA
staring at us.
RICKY (O.C.)
I was filming this dead bird.
ANGELA
Why?
RICKY (O.C.)
Because it's beautiful.
On VIDEO: ANGELA looks at JANE, trying not to laugh.
ANGELA
I think maybe you forgot your
medication today, mental boy.
On VIDEO: she falls out OF frame as we ZOOM IN on Jane.
RICKY (O.C.)
Hi, Jane.
JANE
(uncomfortable)
Look. I want you to stop filming
me.
RICKY lowers the CAMERA.
RICKY
Okay.
He looks at her, curious, his eyes searching hers. she
finally has to look away.
ANGELA
Hey, I have an idea! Let's all go
to the mall together.
(off Jane's look)
He can film us doing things.
JANE
What kind OF things?
ANGELA
I don't know.
(to Ricky, suggestive)
What kind of things do you like to
film?
RICKY
(looking at Jane)
Things that are beautiful.
ANGELA
Okay. We can take my car.
ANGELA starts off. JANE looks doubtful, But follows.
RICKY
(to Jane)
Do you do everything she says?
JANE
(defensive)
No. I want to go.
RICKY
Okay. Just making sure.
EXT. Top HAT MOTEL - the same DAY
Carolyn's Mercedes-Benz ML320 is parked next to a forest
green JAGUAR CONVERTIBLE with a VANITY LICENSE PLATE that
reads "R E KING."
INT. Top HAT MOTEL - CONTINUOUS
Carolyn and Leonard are in the middle of sex. Dramatic,
pyrotechnic, vocal sex.
CAROLYN
Yes! Oh, God, yes!
LEONARD
You like getting nailed by the
king?
CAROLYN
Yes! I love it! Oh, yes! Fuck me,
your majesty!
INT. TOYOTA CAMRY - the same DAY
LESTER drives, smoking a joint. He SINGS along to the
Beatles' "GOT TO GET YOU INTO MY LIFE" on the STEREO.
LESTER
I WAS ALONE, I TOOK A RIDE, I
DIDN'T KNOW WHAT I WOULD FIND
THERE... ANOTHER ROAD, WHERE MAYBE
I COULD SEE ANOTHER KIND OF MIND
THERE...
He trails off, as something outside catches his attention:
His POV: A FAST-FOOD RESTAURANT called SMILEY'S. The logo on
the sign features a yellow SMILEY-FACE with a red tongue
licking its smiling lips. Underneath it, plastic letters
spell out: NOW TAKING APPLICATIONS.
Lester's face suddenly takes on a far-away expression.
INT. SMILEY'S - MOMENT LATER
A slightly overweight TEENAGE GIRL mans the counter; behind
her, a couple of slow-moving teenagers work... vaguely. They
all wear bright yellow uniforms and white BASEBALL CAPS which
feature the SMILEY'S logo. Lester enters, straightening his
tie, and crosses to the counter.
COUNTER GIRL
(zombie like)
Smile, you're at Smiley's Would
you like to try our new bacon and
egg fajita, just a dollar twenty-
nine for a limited time only?
LESTER
Actually, I'd like to fill out an
application.
She stares at him, confused By his age and attire.
COUNTER GIRL
There's not jobs for manager, it's
just for counter.
LESTER
Good. I'm looking for the least
possible amount of responsibility.
INT. SMILEY'S - LATER
LESTER sits at a booth with the MANAGER, a greasy kid wearing
a white short sleeve shirt and a tie covered with the Smiley's
logo. He looks over Lester's application baffled.
MANAGER
I don't think you'd fit in here.
LESTER
I have fast food experience.
MANAGER
Yes, like twenty years ago.
LESTER
Well, I'm sure there have been
amazing technological advancements
in the industry, but... surely you
have some sort of training process.
It seems unfair to presume I won't
be able to learn.
The Manger frowns, unconvinced.
LESTER (cont'd)
Should you choose not to hire me,
I have to assume it's because of my
age, which I can only interpret as
discrimination and would have to
take up with my attorney.
The Manager sighs and runs an hand through his greasy hair,
wondering what he could possibly have done to deserve this.
EXT. HIGHWAY - LATER
Artificial Joy Club's "SICK AND BEAUTIFUL" blasts as Angela's
BMW speeds down the highway.
INT. ANGELA'S BMW - CONTINUOUS
ON VIDEO: Angela is driving; Jane is in the passenger seat.
We're watching from the back as they pass a JOINT. Angela
spots us in the REAR VIEW MIRROR and turns back to us.
ANGELA
Hi. I'm Angela, and welcome to my
car. My guest today is Jane
Burnham. Jane, why don't you tell
us about yourself?
JANE
No
ANGELA
Oh, come on.
(a pointed look to us)
I'm sure our audience wants to
know all about you.
JANE
Angela, look out!
ANGELA turns BACK around to see THAT traffic has Suddenly
backed up in front of her. She slams on the BRAKES.
EXT. HIGHWAY - CONTINUOUS
Angela's BMW SCREECHES to halt, almost colliding with the car
in front of her.
INT. ANGELA'S BMW - CONTINUOUS
ANGELA and JANE sit there, stunned, breathing heavily. RICKY
seems completely unaffected.
RICKY
What's going on?
JANE
I think there's been a wreck.
RICKY
Really? A big one?
He rolls down a window, then starts to climb out OF it.
ANGELA
What are you doing?
EXT. ANGELA'S BMW - CONTINUOUS
RICKY hangs out OF the CAR window, focusing his VIDEO camera
as the traffic inches forward.
On VIDEO: over the roofs OF the cars IN front OF us, we see
the flashing LIGHTS of police cars and an ambulance, as well
as FLARES on the pavement. One car is completely total
